Letter To Dr. Paul: No Self Esteem!

Hey Dr. Paul, I am having a hard time trusting my boyfriend. He is an awesome man who treats me 100 percent better than my last boyfriend. He listens, communicates, shares his insights…everything I could want and more. But the one thing is that I’m overweight while he’s just right and healthy. He can have any woman he wants and granted there were many women out there that have flirted and showed him interest now and then. He said he’s taken his clothes off with several girlfriends in the past but I told him that we’re not doing anything like that unless I have an engagement ring on my finger. He said he respected me and my choices and he has shown me that respect many times over. How can a man of his nature…intelligent and fit find someone like myself attractive in his eyes? I keep thinking that one day this bridge will fall while I’m standing on it and then I’m left with nothing. Help Dr. Paul!!!!

Doc’s Response:
Dear J…can you say…”low self worth”?…sounds as if you are the person he is interested in…so why sell yourself short???…If he wanted someone else it looks as if he could have them…maybe you have qualities he likes…trust?…being real?…sincere?…take a look at your assets…not your liabilities…you may wind up showing him liabilities that he didn’t even see…better download my book…more of this in there…there is no bridge…your metaphor only reveals your insecurity…you really do not want to communicate that to him sub-consciously…just smile and tell him he has good taste…how can he argue with that?…how can you argue with that?…enjoy!…All the Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul: Giving It A 2nd Chance

Dr Paul, please help me!!..I trust your advice above all others. About 8 months ago, i ended a long time (5 year) long distance relationship with a woman i care deeply about. We’ve know each other about 8 years, 5 of them romantically, we met on the internet. We’ve been through a lot together, i’ve helped her through a divorce and such. During that 8 months, she entered into another relationship that failed, now we have decided to give it another chance but she has put up a wall for fear that it might happen again. I know it isnt going to happen again, but she’s unsure. I just want things to be the way they used to be, and i realize i have to work to regain her trust to bring down the wall. My problem is, i tend to overanalyze and discuss what happened to make her feel more secure and it frustrates her to no end. How can i bring down the wall, yet not frustrate her with discussing it all the time? We’re actually meeting for the first time in about 3 weeks and my fear is that i cant shut up long enough not to cause problems and jeopardize the meeting. Please Dr Paul, i need your advice terribly bad.

Doc’s Response:
Dear J…thanks for the request…you are really good at self analysis…so at this point I feel you would be wise to let her do the self analysis…and…are you listening?…LISTEN TO HER…do not give her ideas; do not try to “fix” her life for her…remember…you want her…and that is nice, but she has to want you…the only wall that exists is in your mind…not hers…so let her do all of the talking as much as possible…say nothing unless she asks for your input…and be certain to ask her how she feels about herself…not about “us”…the ” where have you been, where are you now, and where are you going?” needs to be answered by her…and by the way…take it easy on yourself…you can “shut up” as you put it…long enough…and remember, she wouldn’t be seeing you if she didn’t want to…she wants to…but she wants you to hear her out…All The Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul: Just Not Good Enough

Hello Dr Paul, I’ve watched your videos for a while now and I need advice on how to save my relationship. My girlfriend has fallen in love with somebody else & no longer has respect for me, she cites the fact that I’m younger than her, that I don’t have enough experience with relationships (first one) and that I’m ‘just a kid’ (i’m 23, she’s 25). I acknowledge this to a degree however I do not act or think like somebody in my age group, I don’t even have any friends younger than me! I often feel like being forced to act and say how she wants me to be just to be diplomatic but most times end up being myself which of course is the right thing but has ended up causing the split. Another important point is that this is my first ever relationship and my partner reminds me of this. Dr Paul should I be the one to win back her respect or vice versa? Should I date other women obtain more of an understanding about relationships? Thank you for your time

Doc’s Response:
Dear M…thanks for writing…be your own man…a female that criticizes you in any area actually fears that very same thing in herself…and by the way is she able to sustain a relationship?…she said this was your first one…well…what sort of track record does she have?…first? third? fifth?…instead of asking should I win her back… ask yourself… exactly what will I be getting back?…be careful what you settle for…you may get it…All The Best!
—– Original Message —–

Letter To Dr. Paul: First Move

If I’ve had a very interesting conversation with a man on Facebook and we have mutual friends, how can I get him to ask me out or shall I ask him out? He’s intelligent, witty, and attractive and I don’t want to seem desperate.

Doc’s Response:
Dear S…Thanks for your request…first let him know that you believe that a woman can comfortably ask a man to have lunch (and make it lunch)…nice thing about lunch…daytime, has a beginning and an end, no alcohol necessary, and it is in a public place…if you would like to see him again, let him know, but tell him that he has to contact you…the ball is in his court…this way you maintain your dignity, and he respects your approach…and by the way S. I would down load my book from my web site before you have lunch…if he is witty and intelligent some tips in “BOOMER GIRLS” might be just right…All The Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul: Dealing With The Past

dear dr paul I’ve join a dating website for 7 months and I’m finding it difficult to get pass the second and the third date because i don’t know if i should be tureful about my (ex abusive relationship) and family drama or don’t answer such personal questions ive done both got the same reactions or even how to react if we are not attracted to one or the another i find the dates can get quite negtive and i’ ve try to put up a smile and be nice but i knows and they knows it fake ive to say let do fun thing like go to movies watch some sports etc…all the men want to do is go to the bars or cafes and talk which can be difficult at times which leads to boring i do get lead on whether he says he like me but has no intention of seeing me again or for causal sex which i always says no i feel that am following the same pattern like am always on the rebound from bad date to the next and it get me really down and i ignore invite from single parents, and men who clearly dont to want interracial date but find me attractive??? interracial dating am OK with and i ve dated other nationality which is nice i never dated a single parents i love kids because from my experience my mum dating was hard and i hated it i really need your advice am a nice pretty person i dont have any problem attracting guys from the website or in everyday but getting pass that third date if a very big problem with me before and after the abusive relationship i have to say that i have an obsession with having a nice boyfriend seen 15 years old and now am 25 and my obsession with a nice relationship is get worst and addictive when it goes no where i take it out on myself and beat my self up about it thank you for your time

Doc’s Response:
Dear T…let me say this up front…I think you meant a man 15 years older…not a 15 year old which of course would be illegal…so I will go with the former…now, there is an issue about you re: interracial dating…mostly not a problem, but for some it is…get that understood before you go out with someone so that you are not objectified…once that is out of the way…I would sincerely look to a man who is more mature since you have been the victim of abuse…unfortunately many people who are in an abusive relationship seek out the same type again and go right back into it…if you find that is happening, you may want to seek counseling…sometimes people who are 10 years older than you are can be more understanding…I said sometimes…so don’t limit yourself…and do talk to these people without going into detail, or becoming emotional…your term of Mum leads me to believe that you either are in the UK or are from the UK…every society and nationality has their “good, bad, and ugly”…your job is to listen to your inner voice and select the good…I want you to remember one thing…I have heard this in your last sentence….about beating yourself up….”YOU HAVEN’T FAILED OTHERS, OTHERS HAVE FAILED YOU”…All The Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul: Hot & Cold

Hello Dr. paul i’ve been watching your videos and found them vert insightful!! Anyway.. I have this problem.. I’m falling for a guy whos 2 years younger. Hes been showing signs of interest; on and off though. Like hes always excited when we talk but rarely initiates the contact. when I text him he doesnt try keeping the conversation going. But face to face he seems excited when talking to me.. caught him looking from afar more than once.. he always looks me straight in the eyes.. shy lots of times….etc. I think he likes me but is afraid to do something about it because of the age difference. I’m at loss and i dont know what to do about it. I’ve been showing him i like him too but i’m not sure hes getting i like him more than just a friend. I’m afraid he doesn’t like me back, or even if he does, that he wont do anything about it. I dont know if u need to know more details. Thanks a million.

Docs Response:
Hi, S…thanks for your question…people are typically visually orientated, touch oriented, or hearing oriented…your “person of interest” seems to be very visual…he tends to read people as he speaks to them or they speak to him…use this to maintain his interest…and he does sound interested…when you speak to him use terms such as “do you see what I mean”…”do you see that”…always refer to the visual…”what have you seen lately”…”did you see a movie”…we all have certain levels of each factor, but this man seems to “see” more than he “feels” or “hears”…could be he is an engineering type or works with visual things…keep your eye on this one…All The Best!…Doctor Paul

Letter To Dr. Paul: Breaking The Bubble

Dear, Dr. Paul Now I struggle on the one-side relationship. I interest in a guy who is two years older than me. We have worked a part time job together for quiet a year, but we have never talk a conversation at all! I’m an Asian girl, I can speak English but I have got the accent. I don’t know that he will think of me – that kind of hold me back a little bit. The first reason is the shop we work in is way so busy and when it’s time to work (which is at evening) we are all tired. Second, he is kind of person that won’t talk to the person who he doesn’t feel so comfortable, in this case, I mean, He has kind of big bubble and he is quiet. I try to look at him and smile but he has never seen me doing that. I try to greet him, well, He sometimes greets me back, and I mean just sometimes – most of time he doesn’t notice it at all. I try to make a small conversation but it’s because that he doesn’t really enjoying work here, so I can’t play with him that much. We are in the same College and he plays bass for out College concert, and I work for backstage. By your advice in the video clip, I use the post-it trick and huh! Guess who, I think he’s amused or amazed or something but, he doesn’t know who ‘Guess who’ is ,yet. I think I need to talk to him. But all those conditions I have got, I really don’t know how to do and I’m so frustrated like a little girl that can’t get a gum in glass lollipop machine. How to break the bubble and get into him? I mean, get into his mind Please have me some advices, you are the only man that could help me out?

Doc’s Response:
Dear S…thank you for writing….I don’t have time to answer all of my e-mails… I like the question…and your “Prose” was entertaining as well as…(I needed that today)…OK…let’s get started…the “guess who” is really a good idea I liked that…I may suggest it in the future…a follow up with another “guess who” could be interesting…I understand where you are coming from in terms of language… my first language wasn’t English either…I have spent several months in the last two years in Thailand and one week in Viet Nam… your accent is really plus…you are different…that is a good thing…let it work in your favor…it may be that he is also self conscious…as I believe you are…I will let you in on a well known secret…many mend find Asian women to be “interesting”..they have a certain mystique about them…use that to your advantage…In the first place I really don’t see a relationship here as being one-sided…it really is not a relationship..yet…I believe it could be…I like that “gum in a glass lollipop machine”…I don’t know what your major is, but you might try writing…Here is the plan…another post-it with a “Guess who hears you play the Bass”…now you are into his personal territory…he is probably the audible type…he really likes music…ask him to help you make a selection for your i-pod…and ask if has he recorded anything (he probably has not but he will like to hear that)…the “little girl” image as you said will work very well with seeking “advice” from him…did you ever stop to think that the may be interested in you too?…All The Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul: Caught In The Rebound

Dear Dr. Paul, I met this wonderful man in my home town when he was here doing a job. He had just came out of a divorce 3 weeks prior. We went out and completly clicked. We dated for 5 months and everything was perfect. He then asked me to move to his hometown with him and marry him. We moved in together and two weeks into it he started to become very distant to me. I asked him what was wrong and if he wanted to talk about it he said you are pinning me to the floor. he said he wanted me to move out because it was to soon and the timing was off. Why didn’t he know that before I uprooted my family and quit my job. He said he loves me and deeply cares about me but doesn’t love me forever. I am devastated because I don’t know if I did something wrong or not. I moved back home 6 weeks ago and we still talk every now and then. We met for lunch last week and had great conversation. We never talk about our relationship just general stuff. He said it is great seeing me and talking to me, and then huged me and kissed me goodbye and said talk to you soon. How do I approach him about his feelings without being pushy or looking desperate. I love him with all my heart but don’t know how to handle this. How can two people meet and fall in love then boom he doesn’t want to be with you anymore? Should I just give him time to figure it out or should I approach him and talk about it? He tells me to not give up hope, What does that mean? What can I do to get him back? Please help me see insight on this. Thank you, Valerie

Doc’s Response:
Dear V….Thanks for your question….I have heard this many times before…if you have found yourself in this situation give it time for him or her to ‘grieve”…the other person may even need counseling…I am not saying that you were wrong to see the person, what I am saying is that you need to be certain that he or she is over the trauma of divorce or death of a loved one…in your case time was on your side…your sudden move to a new town within 2 months did not work…I hear you blaming yourself…it is not you… so do not “should” on yourself…that is never an option…I see you using should several times…no…center yourself…perhaps meditate if that works for you…take a deep breath…and move on…do not give up hope?…you asked what that means….does it mean stringing you along?…listen carefully to what you said…”He said he loves me deeply and cares about me but doesn’t love me forever”…get real with yourself…that is the end…he already told you…Doctor Paul’s opinion?…run don’t walk…MOVE ON!…All The Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul: Growing Up & Out Of Love

Dr. Paul, I am a 27 year old man and my girlfriend is 20 years old. i am writing to you because i am already starting to fall in love with this girl and i fear that she will have a change of heart due to her age. I dont know if this might mean anything but she has never had a father in the picture. She is somewhat mature for her age but at times her age shines thru. I feel alot for this girl and i am not afraid of her changing as a person, but only in the relationhsip sense. What do i do?

Doc’s Response:
Dear T…thank you for your question since I have received similar ones and there is a need expand the answer…we will place this on the blog anonymously of course…your girl friend has had no father image and you are 7 years older…this is a good thing for her and obviously for you…there may be somewhat of a “father image” situation with her which in my humble opinion ( actually according to my viewers/listeners & readers I have never had a “humble” opinion) is excellent…many so-called relationship gurus would disagree with this…a woman who has not had a father image or was very close to a deceased father will seek an older and often times a much older man…there are many reasons for this not the least of which is a need to feel secure…actually, it is surprising that she has not sought a much older man by about 20 years…so far so good with your question…moving on, you are concerned that she will change…read my book…people do not change…we may modify their behavior, but they do not change…remember, people’s lives change but they do not change…having said that, there is the question of self discovery…does she really know herself?…ask her that directly by saying “how do you see yourself,” “how do you feel about yourself,”…I think you get the picture…and then LISTEN…do not talk except for, ” I see” etc….and do not give an opinion…do not give a suggestion…men tend to want to “fix” things…you are not there to fix you are there to have her discover herself and for you to discover her also…go with that inner voice…it sounds to me as if you need re-assurance for how you already feel…if you are looking for that re-assurance from Doctor Paul…YOU HAVE IT!…All The Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul: Jealous Of Facebook?

There are times my boyfriend, of one year, have said things that make you go hmmm. He’s a great guy but sometimes I just wonder. We see each other every week and sometimes for lunch on Saturday before he goes to work. We’re making our 1st anniversary this coming Thursday and have plans for Valentine’s too. Just the other night I was talkng about my cousin Marc having to set me up an acct on Facebook and how he’s also sent me pics and stuff on Facebook to get my page going. All of a sudden my boyfriend brings up stuff from his past like Valentine’s day years ago in highschool and sending roses to girls or how he asked his neighbor next door to go to the prom with him but she couldn’t go because of prior commitments (and how maybe they could’ve have dated and things would be very different now if they did date because they were neighbors and they would be a great couple and be married by now..but she’s probably married now) and how she came over here to Hawaii for vacation and wasn’t impressed and he wanted to take her places around if she called him and would have travelled with her to the other islands if she called. I told him to go ahead and look her up and maybe she can then live in your apartment and you folks can get a go at starting something. And who knows you may end up picking up from the past and get romantic and get married. He looked at me quizzically. I wanted to bop him on the side of the head. Help Dr Paul…all I said was how my cousin Marc (whom he knows) helped me with my Facebook. What gives? I’m really upset over this yet he thinks I’m the greatest.

Doc’s Response:
Dear Ms. L…I am going to use that initial since we want this to be anonymous…I had to read this twice to find out which girl was his girlfriend…you said it was you…but he is saying it is the lady in Hawaii…well, maybe not saying it directly, but it is being communicated…that at least seems to be the case on the surface doesn’t it…now I have said that if you want to find out about a man, why ask a woman ask a man…preferably Doctor Paul…well you did and here is what I am really seeing…your boyfriend is not going to admit this…but he sounds as if he is jealous…he obviously does not want you to be placing yourself on Facebook…did he bring up the lady in Hawaii before you mentioned this? I am thinking that he did not…ask him point blank if that is why he has brought up the subject of his Hawaiian ex-girlfriend…do not accept anything other than a yes or no answer…no maybes…and be direct…be prepared for him to tell you how he really feels…maybe this guy really cares…if not…well, you were looking for someone when you found him…right?…I believe you will find that he has some serious issues with you being seen on Facebook…All The Best…Doctor Paul

Letter To Dr. Paul: Flirting With A Married Man

Dear Dr. Paul, I love your advice. I’m 51. I’ve been slowly getting to know and flirting with a Fedex man that comes to my office at the hospital where I work for the past 2 months. He likes my humor and smiles a lot when he comes around. However, when I asked him how his Xmas was he said he spent it like normal people and he had dinner with his wife. He then stopped talking and there was a long pause, then I said:”you mean your EX-wife don’t you?” Then he said yes and continued to look and smile at me and talk to me for a couple of minutes. Is he trying to let me know he’s back with his ex, or is he just testing my reaction? They do have a teenage son together whom he is very close to. I’ve asked 3 women and one man for his reaction to what he said. Please help. Thanks

Doc’s Response:
Dear Ms. H., I really discovered gold in your letter…mmm…let me see…what makes you think that the man is not married?…and finally you asked Doctor Paul for “advice”…not your girl friends…they have the same questions you have, and have no answers…you did ask a man as well…did he question if you were sure that he was divorced?…many people engage in what they believe to be harmless flirting…is that the case here?…even maybe if they are married?…I spoke with our delivery person form another company (not Fedex)…he said he does not wear a ring because of the packages etc. that he handles…perhaps that is the case…perhaps not…of course if you really want to find out go to your city’s web site and check out vital statistics to see if he is married or divorce…let’s say that he is divorced…he probably has an interest in sports…run a test…”by the way Mr. Fedex man, I have been given a couple tickets to the (hockey, baseball, soccer, basketball) game…college or pro…for (be specific here) two weeks from Saturday….would you like to go with me & explain some of the finer points of the game to me?…now the last part is really important because all guys want to think that they are experts on sports…you have not only given him an invitation, but you have given him a challenge as well…you have stroked his ego…he is thinking…”If I say no, she will think that I don’t know that much about sports”…so he will probably say yes…if he says no…he may give you a reason that is why you make it 2 weeks away…then you can say two things “is it because you are married, or you are not that much into sports?”…he will have an easier time of it answering the first question than he will the second…because the second question has manliness written all over it…All The Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul: Bi-Polar Disorder & Sex

Dear Dr. Paul,

I was showing your website off to one of my friends (your web designer is awesome) and we came across your video on depression’s effects on sex drive. My curiosity was sparked so I watched the video. I immediately watched it again. I have suffered from depression most of my life. I have recently been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. For those that may not know, bipolar disorder is characterized by periods of normal mood mixed with episodes of depression and mania. In the video, you state that depression is a depressed mood. This prevents you from getting from point A to point B when having sex. Mania is on the other side of that spectrum. Everything is heightened and feels good, sex included.

I wanted to see if there was any more information on sex drive and the manic state of bipolar disorder. I began by searching through your archives. I was surprised not to get any hits. Expert Village offered a few videos and articles, but nothing with any substance. I tried a Google search and came up with over 3 million hits. None of them were based on research and most consisted of blog excerpts. My last hope was to search my universities database. Again, there was nothing that addressed my question. I have been married for over six years and know without a doubt that mania has an effect on sex drive and untreated bipolar disorder creates such sexual chaos that it interferes with the health of the relationship.

When my husband and I first got married sex was great. I was on a high from the excitement of the wedding and the events that surrounded it. This mania carried us through for a couple of months. Then my mood changed. I became irritable and had no interest in sex. I was demanding, pushy, and very hard to live with. We began to fight, sometimes ferociously. Then my mood would switch, I would regain an interest in sex, and things would settle down. This fickle interest in sex confused my husband. He began to take it personally, thinking that I did not really love him or find him attractive. I tried to reassure him that the problem was mine, but I could not offer him a reasonable explanation of why this was.

My husband’s reaction to all of this changed with time. At first he was concerned, and then confused. Finally he stopped caring all together. He found other ways to meet his needs. I laid in my depression, plotting ways to kill him. We drifted further apart. After several months of this we separated and began the divorce process. The stress of it all was too much and I had myself Baker Acted. That is when I was diagnosed as bipolar and put on the correct medicine. Before that time, I was being treated with antidepressants. The medicine actually made the bipolar intensify. Once the medicine, and me, was stabilized everything changed. My husband moved back in and we decided to rebuild our lives together.

Putting the marriage back in order has been a struggle. We know that will take time. We are realistic about that. Since my medicine has become effective, my sex drive has changed. I am finally able to relax and let go. Last night I got from point A to point B in the most exhilarating way. I have never experienced sex like this before. We also enjoy each other on a more regular basis. I no longer have to psych myself up to have sex. I am an active participant and I love it.

I am sure I am not the only person who had this experience or one similar. Why anybody hasn’t chosen to do real research on this topic? As I see it, it is a real and pressing problem.

A Devoted Fan,

TerryP

Gravitas!

The very word to some sounds like scratching ones nails on a chalkboard…(that would be my producer, Mike)…A Latin word meaning basically something of an ominous quality…such words as gravity are based on this…have you experienced gravitas?…truly it means slightly different things to diferent people…for us it will take on the physics term meaning a force that draws one set of particles to another…we will look at it as that force drawing two people toward each other…and I mean now!…keep in mind that the force of gravity as I recall is 32 feet per second…have you ever been drawn to someone that quickly?…maybe you have…now there are many relationship gurus who will tell you that this is not a good thing!…I know, you are expecting what you are going to get…What does Doctor Paul say?….Torofecundi (a polite way of saying B.S.)….If you are fortunate enough in your lifetime to be magnetically drawn to a potential partner or even a lifetime relationship (and please only if you are available)…DO IT…this may be the way of destiny telling you that this is here for you…the powers that be have now made it possible to have the happiness that you so deeply desire…and you are going to question it?…he or she who hesitates etc. for any reason will remain in their same mundane world from that point forward through the rest of their lives…why put that sentence on yourself?…Have you heard that a great cataclysmic event will occur on December 21st. 2012?…will it happen?…maybe…maybe not…but just in case, wouldn’t you just hate it if you passed up in life that very person that was meant for you?…let’s see…that gives us just about three years eleven months…mmmm…as I have said…life is not a dress rehearsal…so GRAVITAS ON!…This is Doctor Paul…”May your fantasies of today be your realities of tomorrow!” (Note: you may see Doctor Paul at askdoctorpaul.com where you may also link to his latest videos on expert village)…(All of Doctor Paul’s media items are copyrighted)

GIVE IT TIME!

I frequently get callers and e-mail from those who are impatient…ladies…if a man has just come off a long relationship and or marriage…at least 1 year plus or what ever seems long to him…give it time…don’t push him…I am amazed at the women who contact me and say…”if only I had given him more time”…let’s face it…he is vulnurable, but he isn’t over her…and do not get outraged if he happens to use her name during sex by accident…now this may really floor you…that can mean that he is making a transfer in his mind from her to you…it doesn’t have to happen during sex it may be a slip at any time…this is true especially if she dumped him…I know there are ralationship consultants who tell you to get out if he does that…usually these are women telling you this…well Doctor Paul is telling you as a man not what you want to hear but rather the reality of what is…true, I disagree with consultants, counselors, and would be other so-called experts who pander to you in an effort to have you “hang”
with them…you will hang all right…you will hang your potential relationship out to dry…and by the way…for both men and women…however, if the other says I don’t want to see you I need more time…don’t let them go there…if they say they want to slow it down because they just got out of a relationship and are still in emotional trauma that is OK…if they say they don’t want to continue seeing you for a while…watch out..they may be trying to patch things up with the ex…even though she may not want him she doesn’t want anyone else to have him either…an ego thing or she doesn’t want to see him be happy…of course this is a tough call…one thing to remember…if you are the second woman that he is seeing after a break up…your chances are better that it is not a re-bound and that he won’t go back to the ex…in other words…the second mouse gets the cheese (the first one gat whacked in the trap)…This is Doctor Paul…”May your fantasies of today be your realities of tomorrow”…(this and all Doctor Paul items are copyrighted)

Letter To Dr. Paul: Family & Freinds’ Judgement

Dear Dr. Paul,
I had some nice dates with this guy and he told me he had growing feelings toward me, but he told all his friend and family about me after the second date. I feel he was told some negatives things because he is white and am black. Then he stopped calling me avoiding dates with me, and I feel really sad and silly for trying to call him but i cant stop thinking about him?

Dr. Paul’s Response:

You sound like a very sincere and trusting person who feels the sting of being rejected in what sounds like a budding love…that sting is all the more painful because even though you did not state it directly, you felt as if you were being judged not on your qualities as a person but rather on the pigment of your skin…you aren’t only the better person…you are very fortunate…why?…because you discovered early on what type of undesirable family values you were dealing with…and…most importantly…what a weak willed individual you became interested in…ask yourself this question…Would I really want a man who has so little strength of character that he allows others to control his life for him?…do you think he will change?…never!…take it from Doctor Paul…people do not change!…I will not tell you what you want to hear…I will tell you the truth as I see it…be thankful that destiny has given you the gift of seeing reality before it was too late…All The Best!

Letter To Dr. Paul – Dating Under Age

Dear Dr. Paul,

I’d like to start off by telling u that im 18…the other day i met this new girl at work. she is 16 and i feel like i really connected with her. now we both work at the same place which is a grocery store where we are always busy and never really have time to talk. i wanted to ask you to give me some advice on how to get this girls number and how to ask her out on a date…it is also really hard for me to see her because she works every other weekend meaning that i wont see her for a whole 2 weeks…long story short i met this new girl at work, i feel like we really connected, and i want to get to know her better, what to get her number and ask her out on a date.

Doc’s Response:

In answer to your question…you are legally an adult and the girl you are talking about is under 18 (you said she is 16)…I would suggest that you get interested in someone who is legally an adult…Doctor Paul’s advice?…don’t even think it…do not break the law…your whole future depends on it…trust me…there are many women out there who are over 18 and may be very interested in you…All The Best!

Happy New Year to all of our listeners, viewers and readers

Sex & The New Year!

I thought that would get your attention…understand this pearl from Doctor Paul…this may have an echo of Zen to it but bear with me…sexiness is present when it is subtle…when you try to be sexy you are not…that fine line between sensuality and being overt may be as simple as wearing a too low cut top instead of one that is draped across one shoulder…are there levels of class?…of course…I was recently at gathering where the subject of class became a hotly debated item…there are those among us who have a certain charisma…poise…elegance…and taste…those who do not can observe and bring it to themselves…if they choose to …that coveted concept of style…it is true that class…sophistication…and elegance cannot be purchased…all of us have seen celebrities and stars who have the money but never could hope to acquire through money or any means that element that they desire most…namely class. Now back to sex…(think I had forgotten?…never…now to the sharper reader/observer here is the way…be subtle…and in closing I want you to answer this question of yourself when you look into a mirror before you are going out for the evening…would James Bond approach me if I were dressed the way I am now?…if he is the type you want then dress the part…remember if you always do what you’ve always done…then you’ll always get
what you’ve always got…All The Best!…Doctor Paul

Dating Where To Go?

During this time of economic problems we still want to date…so lets go to the movies…not too bad as far a price is concerned either…stay away from the refreshments however…Dr. Paul will evaluate some films that he has recently seen…a good one was the James Bond “A Quantum of Solace”…the intro music was just awful called “Another Way To Die”…actually it sounded like something was dying a miserable death…the classic James Bond Theme wasn’t played until the end of the movie…too bad..do it right next time Columbia Pictures…as a member of Screen Actors Guild take that as a professional opinion…now to the film itself…in a word…Excellent…I would highly recommend it…Daniel Craig portrayed a seriously don’t trifle with me cold James Bond… upcoming films that look good include “Angels & Demons” with Tom Hanks…Valkyrie…but a not so good “Seven” something previews looked ho hum…That’s it for Dr. Paul’s dating data

Letter To Dr. Paul – A Hard Catch!!!!

Dr. Paul,

I’m 21 years old… currently in university. I have had my fair share with the ladies but there is this 1 girl I met about a month ago that really has me clustered. When I see her or talk to her, my A game crumbles. So anyway, I initially met this girl through her roommates, but we didn’t really talk too much. Then 2 weeks later, I saw her at the on campus bar, so I talked to her. So when I was talking to this girl, my A game crumbled. This girl seemed very different, and I sensed that from when I first met her. She is gorgeous and yet very smart, shy and quiet. So the night at the bar, I couldn’t read her. But, I realized that she was an AMAZING girl and that we have A LOT in common – fav music, tv shows. sports, movies. So at the end of the night, I asked for her number and she told me she doesn’t give her number out like that and that I should facebook her. After that night, it felt like I was in damage control since I didn’t make much of a first impression. I’ve messaged her a few times saying how’s it going and all. One message was regarding the conversation we had at the bar – she said she hasn’t seen the season finale of what is my and her favorite show. So I sent her the link to it. She said it was sweet and all, but mostly small talk and said she had to go back to studying since it was midterm season. I’m taking it as a hint that she is not really interested, but one of my girl friends said otherwise. So I have no clue what to do. I have never worked this hard at a girl before and to be honest, I really like her. I’m seeing her this weekend at a party for halloween at a friends house. What do you think I should do? I have no clue! Thank you sir

Doc’s Response:    Good to hear from you!!…as you can appreciate, I do not answer all e-mails directly…yours however, is one of those as an “e-mail of interest”…I answer many on the show on an anonymous basis…let’s start with your “game”…stop the game concept…it’s fine until you meet a person like this who seems  to be “different”…so you need to be different too as in be yourself…all women can tell the players as in game players…this one is not buying…she seem interested but the impression you are giving to me is that she won’t tolerate the so called game…you said she is smart, shy and quiet….listen to what you are saying here…she is smart (too smart to be “gamed’) she is quiet (she is listening) and she is shy (is she really?)…now turn it around…listen to what she has to say…she said she doesn’t give her number out like that…agree with her…because neither do you…you say…you let her know that you are selective, even picky, because you do not want to waste your time….get her e-mail address…do not go to the face book…think about it you will not be the only guy there…good idea to listen to a female friend of yours…who is right by the way…she is interested from what you are telling me…now is the time to let her know that you are your own man…and can see that she is her own woman and doesn’t follow the herd…do not “work so hard”…tell her that you are not playing games…never assume that makes an ass of u  and me assume…so don’t assume with this one…let me know haw that week end went…you told me that she was an amazing girl and that you have a lot in common…have you told her? She is the one you want to see…let her know!

Hi everyone,

Here’s a link to my podcast: http://askdoctorpaul.podOmatic.com

See you there!

– – Dr.