Doctor Paul’s BlogSpot

April 5, 2009

Letter To Dr. Paul: Dealing With The Past

Filed under: Blogroll, Letters To Doc, Uncategorized — drpaul @ 11:24 pm

dear dr paul I’ve join a dating website for 7 months and I’m finding it difficult to get pass the second and the third date because i don’t know if i should be tureful about my (ex abusive relationship) and family drama or don’t answer such personal questions ive done both got the same reactions or even how to react if we are not attracted to one or the another i find the dates can get quite negtive and i’ ve try to put up a smile and be nice but i knows and they knows it fake ive to say let do fun thing like go to movies watch some sports etc…all the men want to do is go to the bars or cafes and talk which can be difficult at times which leads to boring i do get lead on whether he says he like me but has no intention of seeing me again or for causal sex which i always says no i feel that am following the same pattern like am always on the rebound from bad date to the next and it get me really down and i ignore invite from single parents, and men who clearly dont to want interracial date but find me attractive??? interracial dating am OK with and i ve dated other nationality which is nice i never dated a single parents i love kids because from my experience my mum dating was hard and i hated it i really need your advice am a nice pretty person i dont have any problem attracting guys from the website or in everyday but getting pass that third date if a very big problem with me before and after the abusive relationship i have to say that i have an obsession with having a nice boyfriend seen 15 years old and now am 25 and my obsession with a nice relationship is get worst and addictive when it goes no where i take it out on myself and beat my self up about it thank you for your time

Doc’s Response:
Dear T…let me say this up front…I think you meant a man 15 years older…not a 15 year old which of course would be illegal…so I will go with the former…now, there is an issue about you re: interracial dating…mostly not a problem, but for some it is…get that understood before you go out with someone so that you are not objectified…once that is out of the way…I would sincerely look to a man who is more mature since you have been the victim of abuse…unfortunately many people who are in an abusive relationship seek out the same type again and go right back into it…if you find that is happening, you may want to seek counseling…sometimes people who are 10 years older than you are can be more understanding…I said sometimes…so don’t limit yourself…and do talk to these people without going into detail, or becoming emotional…your term of Mum leads me to believe that you either are in the UK or are from the UK…every society and nationality has their “good, bad, and ugly”…your job is to listen to your inner voice and select the good…I want you to remember one thing…I have heard this in your last sentence….about beating yourself up….”YOU HAVEN’T FAILED OTHERS, OTHERS HAVE FAILED YOU”…All The Best!


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