Doctor Paul’s BlogSpot

April 5, 2009

Letter To Dr. Paul: Growing Up & Out Of Love

Filed under: Blogroll, Letters To Doc, Uncategorized — drpaul @ 10:50 pm

Dr. Paul, I am a 27 year old man and my girlfriend is 20 years old. i am writing to you because i am already starting to fall in love with this girl and i fear that she will have a change of heart due to her age. I dont know if this might mean anything but she has never had a father in the picture. She is somewhat mature for her age but at times her age shines thru. I feel alot for this girl and i am not afraid of her changing as a person, but only in the relationhsip sense. What do i do?

Doc’s Response:
Dear T…thank you for your question since I have received similar ones and there is a need expand the answer…we will place this on the blog anonymously of course…your girl friend has had no father image and you are 7 years older…this is a good thing for her and obviously for you…there may be somewhat of a “father image” situation with her which in my humble opinion ( actually according to my viewers/listeners & readers I have never had a “humble” opinion) is excellent…many so-called relationship gurus would disagree with this…a woman who has not had a father image or was very close to a deceased father will seek an older and often times a much older man…there are many reasons for this not the least of which is a need to feel secure…actually, it is surprising that she has not sought a much older man by about 20 years…so far so good with your question…moving on, you are concerned that she will change…read my book…people do not change…we may modify their behavior, but they do not change…remember, people’s lives change but they do not change…having said that, there is the question of self discovery…does she really know herself?…ask her that directly by saying “how do you see yourself,” “how do you feel about yourself,”…I think you get the picture…and then LISTEN…do not talk except for, ” I see” etc….and do not give an opinion…do not give a suggestion…men tend to want to “fix” things…you are not there to fix you are there to have her discover herself and for you to discover her also…go with that inner voice…it sounds to me as if you need re-assurance for how you already feel…if you are looking for that re-assurance from Doctor Paul…YOU HAVE IT!…All The Best!


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