Doctor Paul’s BlogSpot

August 30, 2007

Romances Gone Bad

Filed under: Blogroll, Letters To Doc — drpaul @ 6:44 pm

An open letter from Dr. Paul the Blog reader, ” A Lady in Pain” who e-mailed today:  “Forget that which is now dead and cannot be resuscitated… and can finally be tossed onto the trash heap of romances gone bad. Life is a trip, enjoy it, and don’t look so much for a destination, as you will know it when you get there…and it will know you.” If you really believe this, then you will see it. Yes, you may need professional help…when someone cheats on you and/or leaves you, at some point in time they will bitterly regret having lost you…and you are right in doing what you did…and now to the rest of you, I shared the response because I have had so many like this…the only warning I give, is don’t make the same mistake twice…remember the broad definition of mental illness: doing the same thing (or the same type of person) over and over and expecting different results. We are all children of The Universe, and fate has a beautiful plan for each of us…believe this and you will see it…make your choices the great choices!

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Cheap Sex

Filed under: Uncategorized — drpaul @ 6:41 pm

A year ago, a caller to my show asked if I discovered it yet…He said sex without love is damned empty…that really sparked a storm of calls from both women and men…If I had taken a poll at that point, it would have been 80% women in agreement with about 55% men in agreement… with the balance of the difference being in the “I don’t get it range” to that vast wasteland of those in the “shallow” category. I went a step further…sex alone  may satisfy the momentary  desire, but it will never satisfy the need…Granted not everyone has that need, but those of us who do, and who understand it…those who know, and who may have experienced it…that intense at oneness with another human being…over a possible lifetime…only they will experience the passion of the intensity of love for which the miserable few have no clue…Did you know that wolves have a  mate for life…(Native Americans say that they knew each other in a past life)…wolves having soul mates?… who knows… but why not humans?…Of course humans can experience that…it is the very spirit of great romance novels…both fiction and non-fiction…in my book, the chapter on Romantic Idealistic Love…has gotten a lot of response…form Dr, Paul you are a Romantic Fool, to Dr. Paul you are a Romantic Idiot, to: you know Dr. Paul I believe you are right, and in my heart of hearts, I know you are right…That would be Utopia…the Greeks had two definitions for Utopia…one was a place of perfect happiness (ideal perfection), and the other definition is a place that can never be…but within the definition is choice…as the Greek philosophers said: “if you believe it, you will see it.” I truly hope you will all experience it for a lifetime.

August 14, 2007

A Little Field Test….

Filed under: Letters To Doc — drpaul @ 5:07 pm

Dr. Paul just received an e-mail from a lady who says she chooses the wrong men…they cheat on her…this includes a husband of a number of years, and a boyfriend she just broke up with….there is a dating “specialist” who has seminars, books etc. for men…he claims that truly, nice guys finish last…he says if you meet a woman and are really honest with her about how you may feel about her, or compliment her she will think you are a “WUSS”…she will be disinterested, and drop you like a bad habit…but if you act like you don’t give a damn, then she will love you for it. Is that true?  In the last two weeks Dr. Paul tested the theory. Here is what happened. I met two women at different times, both were introduced to me by friends. Both are college grads, and both of them are attractive. I had two dates with each one, and had no sex with either one. The first female (A) I treated very nicely. I was very direct, we talked for hours. Now, this was not done on purpose, but I really wanted to test the theory. I really did think that she was all that, and I told her so, in a direct way, not gushy. She really wanted someone like that…right… We talked on the phone after that, and the rapport started to build. The second date was more subdued. Her recent ex who is a certified rectal orifice, being both verbally and physically abusive. They broke up a number of times, (over 3 years) but this one is for good…and we all know better than that don’t we…then no more contact. Female (B)  I treated as if I couldn’t care less. She too had recently gotten out of  a very bad relationship. I treated her in an off hand manner, I didn’t call when I said I would and I was late for both dates. I talked on the phone while I was with her (I think that is rude) and really tried to be insolent. She is also very nice…What do you think happened? You got it…female B calls invites me to dinner, has tickets for a concert etc….And women ask Dr. Paul what is wrong with the men they are with?…Look, men and women both make wrong choices…but if you set yourself up to get hurt, you will!…and you better know how to close the book on that past bastard or that past bastard -bitch as the case may be. Is bastard-bitch hyphenated?…anyway, they try to come back tell your mutual friends that they still love you (actually that is called manipulation) Do Not fall for it! Close the book…We all have had people who want to come back into our lives…Forget it…and by the way, if someone cheats on you get rid of them immediately! If they are going to do it once behind your back they will do it again and again. If you have some agreements within your marriage that’s one thing. In my book I have interviewed people who have…but in every case even they did not cheat behind their partners back. People’s lives change, but they don’t change. Once the trust is broken it will never,, return. All marriages, and relationships are based on trust, and only trust. Someone once said that infidelity is an irreparable breach of trust and cannot be repaired. It is not what he or she says, it is what they do that matters. I have never cheated in any exclusive relationship engagement or marriage. With me it is in many ways an ego thing…I have to believe that the person I have chosen is a reflection of me in all ways…including class. I once knew a woman (or at least I thought I did) whose sister in the Philippines is one of the special people in the world…she is a beautiful person both inside and out…she has been married for 18 years, and  has 4 children…she and her husband are very happy and neither has ever strayed…she once told me that there are 3 things you must have in any successful marriage, or relationship…DIGNITY,INTEGRITY, AND CREDIBILITY. Remember that…

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