Doctor Paul’s BlogSpot

April 5, 2009

Letter To Dr. Paul: Caught In The Rebound

Filed under: Blogroll, Letters To Doc, Uncategorized — drpaul @ 10:57 pm


Dear Dr. Paul, I met this wonderful man in my home town when he was here doing a job. He had just came out of a divorce 3 weeks prior. We went out and completly clicked. We dated for 5 months and everything was perfect. He then asked me to move to his hometown with him and marry him. We moved in together and two weeks into it he started to become very distant to me. I asked him what was wrong and if he wanted to talk about it he said you are pinning me to the floor. he said he wanted me to move out because it was to soon and the timing was off. Why didn’t he know that before I uprooted my family and quit my job. He said he loves me and deeply cares about me but doesn’t love me forever. I am devastated because I don’t know if I did something wrong or not. I moved back home 6 weeks ago and we still talk every now and then. We met for lunch last week and had great conversation. We never talk about our relationship just general stuff. He said it is great seeing me and talking to me, and then huged me and kissed me goodbye and said talk to you soon. How do I approach him about his feelings without being pushy or looking desperate. I love him with all my heart but don’t know how to handle this. How can two people meet and fall in love then boom he doesn’t want to be with you anymore? Should I just give him time to figure it out or should I approach him and talk about it? He tells me to not give up hope, What does that mean? What can I do to get him back? Please help me see insight on this. Thank you, Valerie

Doc’s Response:
Dear V….Thanks for your question….I have heard this many times before…if you have found yourself in this situation give it time for him or her to ‘grieve”…the other person may even need counseling…I am not saying that you were wrong to see the person, what I am saying is that you need to be certain that he or she is over the trauma of divorce or death of a loved one…in your case time was on your side…your sudden move to a new town within 2 months did not work…I hear you blaming yourself…it is not you… so do not “should” on yourself…that is never an option…I see you using should several times…no…center yourself…perhaps meditate if that works for you…take a deep breath…and move on…do not give up hope?…you asked what that means….does it mean stringing you along?…listen carefully to what you said…”He said he loves me deeply and cares about me but doesn’t love me forever”…get real with yourself…that is the end…he already told you…Doctor Paul’s opinion?…run don’t walk…MOVE ON!…All The Best!

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