Doctor Paul’s BlogSpot

April 5, 2009

Letter To Dr. Paul: Giving It A 2nd Chance

Filed under: Blogroll, Letters To Doc, Uncategorized — drpaul @ 11:50 pm


Dr Paul, please help me!!..I trust your advice above all others. About 8 months ago, i ended a long time (5 year) long distance relationship with a woman i care deeply about. We’ve know each other about 8 years, 5 of them romantically, we met on the internet. We’ve been through a lot together, i’ve helped her through a divorce and such. During that 8 months, she entered into another relationship that failed, now we have decided to give it another chance but she has put up a wall for fear that it might happen again. I know it isnt going to happen again, but she’s unsure. I just want things to be the way they used to be, and i realize i have to work to regain her trust to bring down the wall. My problem is, i tend to overanalyze and discuss what happened to make her feel more secure and it frustrates her to no end. How can i bring down the wall, yet not frustrate her with discussing it all the time? We’re actually meeting for the first time in about 3 weeks and my fear is that i cant shut up long enough not to cause problems and jeopardize the meeting. Please Dr Paul, i need your advice terribly bad.


Doc’s Response:
Dear J…thanks for the request…you are really good at self analysis…so at this point I feel you would be wise to let her do the self analysis…and…are you listening?…LISTEN TO HER…do not give her ideas; do not try to “fix” her life for her…remember…you want her…and that is nice, but she has to want you…the only wall that exists is in your mind…not hers…so let her do all of the talking as much as possible…say nothing unless she asks for your input…and be certain to ask her how she feels about herself…not about “us”…the ” where have you been, where are you now, and where are you going?” needs to be answered by her…and by the way…take it easy on yourself…you can “shut up” as you put it…long enough…and remember, she wouldn’t be seeing you if she didn’t want to…she wants to…but she wants you to hear her out…All The Best!

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1 Comment »

  1. I would ask her if she wants to discuss the past isssues.

    In essence the ball is in her court…

    I as a woman I want a man to listen. Not fix it..as one of the best selling books suggest..

    Just relax..you may be sabotaging the relationship by over analyzing ‘everything’.

    Comment by joyce — July 15, 2011 @ 1:00 pm


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